The Principle of Love (Valentines Day Special)…
(I shared this as a post on Valentines Day, but thought I’d share it again in this forum)
Today being Valentines Day and all, let’s talk about the principle of LOVE — and we’re going to focus mainly on the principle of romantic love in this post. What is love? Well in its simplest terms, love is a state of euphoria people experience when they feel ‘emotionally bonded’ to other people or things. Simply put, love is “bonding”.
That’s the most basic overview for it, but in reality its a bit more complex that…
AUTHENTIC LOVE is “mutualism” or “mutual bonding”. That’s when two parties have an equally-vested interest in the connection between them.
When there’s authentic love between two individuals, one person doesn’t value themselves or their the experience above the other person(‘s), nor do they value the other person or their experience above themselves and their own.
Because that’s the basis of the dominant-submissive relationship model. Simply put, if I value myself and my experience above you and your experience, then I perceive myself as the dominant and/or as ‘the master’, and if I value you and your experience above myself and my own experience, then I’m resigning to the role of the submissive or ‘the slave’. Pretty simple, right?
So how does one find mutualism then? Well, there’s a simple formula to finding mutualism, or (what I’m calling) authentic love, and its a lot simpler than you’d probably think it is…
We’re going to use music for this example. Let’s say I’m a C note and you’re an E. When we play together at the same time we produce an overtone, and that overtone is G. If I’m focusing on my experience as C, then in terms of pitch, volume or timbre, I might be out of sync with your pitch, volume and timbre at E. If I focus exclusive on you being E, and inso, lose sight of my own pitch, timbre and volume, then we’re still out of sync. If however, both of us focus exclusively on trying to create the perfect overtone, we automatically sync up. We adapt and find the perfect blend.
Easy way to say that is… If we focus exclusively on the bond, then everything else falls into place.
So if we love each other, then we protect and build up the relationship. That means I don’t let you do all the work, and you don’t let me do all the work. We both build up and protect the connection between us, because the connection takes care of us both. If both people remain conscientious of the bond, then both people remain conscientious of each other. So, think of it like a conversation you’d have with yourself: “Damn… I’m really happy about this connection I have with this woman. How can I enhance and strengthen this connection I have with her today? Ooh… I’m going to rub her feet and give her a body massage, and cook her a nice meal for her, because I appreciate her, and genuinely appreciate this feeling of euphoria I experience as a product of being bonded with her. I want to enhance the euphoric sensation between us, so that we both ride this high together.”
When you focus on the bond, and not on the other person or exclusively on yourself, then the shit just works.
That being said, you can’t have mutualism between people who think exploitively or selfishly. That is, you can’t have mutualism between people who think in terms of service — between people who only want to serve or be served by others. You can’t find mutualism in situations between people who want to control or be controlled by others. The bond between two people requires conscientious participation from both parties — equal consideration, equal adaptation, give and take.