The Type Of Woman I Want…

You ever think about the type of person you want to be in a romantic relationship with? I mean REALLY think about it — beyond how you want them to look, treat you and make you feel?

It just occurred to me (well more accurately the words just came to me) that more than anything, what I want is a woman who tries…

And just to keep it a buck, I’d obviously prefer someone who’s working with a fairly decent foundation to build onto (5+ out of 10), meaning I want a woman who’s reasonably attractive, intelligent, healthy, has a good libido and what not — but see, a woman doesn’t have to be perfect by any stretch of the imagination for me to love her. In fact, I’ll take a woman who’s limited or unconventional in some way, but who tries her best to be her best, over a woman who’s got it all but who’s only willing to give a portion of herself to building and sustaining a healthy relationship.

The type of woman I want has to want to become the best version of herself she can be; and not just for show, but for real.

And I’m not talking about in just one or two categories either, or only with respect to things she’s interested in doing, I want a woman who actually wants and works to become mentally, emotionally and physically well-balanced. I want a woman who sees value in elevating, not just herself, but us as a unit, and the experience and potential of everyone and everything she touches.

You wanna know why? Because I’ve rarely seen instances in which effort wasn’t equal to conscientiousness. In fact, that might be an even better way to say it…

I want a woman who’s conscientious — someone who’s cognizant of and adjusts to things that aren’t local and convenient to her personal experience or comfort bubbles. I want somebody who’s mentally, emotionally and physically disciplined, and who’s capable of focusing on and growing things that aren’t tied to instant gratification and self benefit.

I want a woman who strives to get better, and to make people and things around her better by extension of working to become a better person herself. I want a woman who’s just as concerned with how she impacts people and things as she is with how she’s impacted by other people and things.

And as beautiful as they are, or at least can be, I just don’t want to deal with narcissists (dopamine addicts) anymore…

The reason why is because you can’t build empires with addicts. Their vices will always win. If you land a narcissist you’ll forever be hostage to their quest for dopamine. And make no mistake about it, their ‘hunger’ and subsequent ‘need to satisfy it’ will strike at the most inopportune times…

If you try to build anything with someone who’s addicted to chasing false representations of *comfort (instant pleasure or relief), or *security (in the forms of attention, or self-worship, reassurance, control, authority, resources, degrees of freedom, etc) or *happiness (fun, excitement, thrills, entertainment, etc), at some point you’ll be in direct competition with their vice.

And see, they ultimately WILL choose immediate comfort over longterm benefit. They WILL choose false security over growth and taking calculated risks towards safety, advancement and greater fulfillment. They WILL choose impulsiveness, excitement, entertainment, drama and instant gratification over creating sustainable conditions in which happiness is the default state of being.

And what I want more than anything is somebody who’s mentally disciplined enough to be clutch through all the good and bad, highs and lows we encounter in life.

Look here dude…

I don’t care how dope you are or think you might be, you ain’t winning no popularity contest against crack to a crackhead. It just ain’t happening. In that same way, a narcissist WILL CHOOSE dopamine inducing trends, habits, people and behaviors over you. It doesn’t matter how awesome you are, they’re not giving up their vice “for the sake of love” (and most certainly not for you)…

Let me ask you something…

What do you think the odds of building a successful business with a heroin addict are? At what point do you think your business would take a backseat to their need to feed their addiction?

Listen, I don’t care how gorgeous a woman is, I’m not trying to compete against her comfort zones — against her desire to keep everything local and convenient to what she feels or doesn’t feel like doing. That’s a battle I just can’t win. No one has the power to confront, challenge and change anyone else’s effort level.

I don’t want anybody who just wants to latch onto me and ride me to their vision of comfort, happiness and security.

Also, I’m not trying to compete against nobody’s funky attitude and/or their need to transfer rage into somebody else.

Bruh, I ain’t doin’ that shit NO MO…

I don’t want to compete against anyone’s insatiable appetites for attention, validation or entertainment either. I don’t want to compete against anyone’s quest to acquire and cocoon themselves in security theater or effects.

You have to be disciplined enough to sidestep that bullshit on your own. You should be disciplined enough to face and brave through uncertainty with me, instead of looking to me exclusively for comfort and reassurance. I shouldn’t have to be mentally disciplined for the both of us… One set of eyes looking out for two people is not enough eyes.

And I most certainly don’t wanna compete against anybody’s addiction to competition anymore. If you need to fight with somebody that fucking bad then you should find a person who likes to fight and hash it out with them. I ain’t trying to be up til 4 AM because you wanna win an argument. In fact, I don’t even want to argue at all — especially when we could just as easily try to understand and solve problems together.

I want a woman who actually tries to understand me instead of just expecting to be heard and understood.

And I don’t wanna constantly be looking over my shoulder either, wondering whether or not I’m unwittingly in competition with some new secret mf whispering sweet nothings in her ear while playing on her addictions to validation, drama, opportunism and cheap thrills.

If you’re a dopamine addict, and you’re not doing anything to address and curtail your addictions to false representations of comfort, security and happiness then we’re mutually incompatible. And that’s no shade to you, I just CAN’T anymore…

I can’t try for two people anymore. If you’re my woman then you’re gonna have to try too…

Again, narcissism (the addiction to dopamine) necessarily entails addictions to competition, rage-venting (abuse and devaluing) and opportunism (exploitation) — which, in simple terms means a dopamine addict is going to choose war over peace and mutualism.

Their addiction will likely push them toward various forms of substance abuse, fantasy and escapism, and cheap thrills; making the likelihood of them cheating, or lying about important things, or testing boundaries and doing malicious little things to disrespect me (that is, get high by unburdening themselves of rage) insanely high.

I’m just tired of looking over my shoulder. I want somebody who operates in a spirit of trustworthiness, you know? And do you know who’s trustworthy? People who try to be.

And I ain’t got time for nobody to think I’m “lame” or “corny” because I’m too busy trying to accomplish things with and for them to focus my primary efforts on stimulating their hypothalamus, gut and adrenal glands to produce enough dopamine to satisfy their ego’s ravenous appetite. Besides, dopamine reception is significantly enhanced once you get the oxytocin and serotonin receptors reengaged and back online (which is the main reason why most women I bond with tend to experience multiple orgasms on a consistent basis).

Narcissists only crave a ton of dopamine because the other hormone and neurotransmitter receptors aren’t engaged and doing their part…

Like I said, when you’re in a relationship with a narcissist you’re a hostage to their addiction at all times; mostly because THEY’RE hostage to it at all times. Their dopamine high WILL ALWAYS be more important to them than who or whatever’s affected by their actions and behaviors.

And well…I just don’t got it in me to do that shit no more.

I don’t feel like managing any grown woman’s attitude, or calculating how to express my natural response to her shitty behavior. I don’t feel like building or enhancing nests, or being cognizant and conscientious for two people, or being patient, understanding and long-suffering for somebody who won’t even try to contribute to us in that way. I’m not looking after anybody’s wellbeing or interests more than they look after themselves and mine. I don’t want to be more concerned with a woman’s advancement than she is concerned with my and our collective advancement.

I don’t have the energy or patience to fight the world everyday, only to come home and fight my woman too because she’s too proud and lazy to learn how to manage and deal with her inner turmoil…

I fought the good fight, but I’s tired now…

I’ve dated models, actresses, fitness instructors, professional cheerleaders, geniuses, yogis and what not, and I’ll be the first to say that I’ve been incredibly fortunate to land some pretty remarkable women in my day. I love and respect each and everyone of them, even to this day…

What usually winds up happening in my relationships though is that I end up trying way harder to make shit work and move us forward than they do. We’re supposed to be singing a duet and I’m just standing there at the mic, waiting for her to come in with her harmony part while she’s content to sit back and watch me sing the song solo…

It’s always like “Well as long as you’re trying then why do I need to? Just make me happy (make my body produce dopamine) and I’ll reward you with my presence, and to me that’s a fair trade. I mean granted, I’ll love bomb you on the front end and get you addicted to me, but then I’ll pull back and make you chase me. If you’re LUCKY, I MIGHT sporadically consider your interests and needs, and maybe do something selfless every blue moon or so, but as long as YOU’RE willing to adjust to me then why should I adjust to or be considerate of you?”

I’m taking a stand against that shit now…from this point forward I only want to deal with women who at least try to meet me in the middle.

Listen…

Narcissism is a condition, not an innate or irreversible thing. The same way you practice your way into it you can practice your way out of it. In fact, I wrote a whole essay on how to heal your mind (y’all really, REALLY need to read that shit).

Are you trying to heal from narcissism (the parasitic mind state)? If so, cool. I’m here for it and let’s get to work. Are you trying to drag me into that bullshit with you? That’s a hard pass for me.

Another thing…

I want a woman who’s intelligent enough to see the absolute lunacy in and of traditional gender roles.

Sweetie, WE are a team, not a clique of actors. That’s what gender roles are — they’re acting. It’s like “If you act this way then I’ll act THIS WAY and everyone will believe the characters we’re pretending to be, and thus model themselves after us, thereby validating us, resulting in more dopamine!” You can’t be authentic and acting at the same time. It’s one or the other…

In other words, if we’re together then WE’RE part of the same body. It goes ‘left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot’… Sometimes the left foot is guiding the direction of the step while the right foot is pushing from behind, and vice versa. Of course there’s a dominant and non-dominant foot, so let me be the man in that sense, but when you’re out in front you don’t even have to ask me to support or push from behind, because that’s just how bodies work — that’s how walking and running happen.

Us moving forward as a unit is us locking in on a destination, embarking on a path and then working in tandem to navigate the path to the destination. That’s called mutualism — mutual symbiosis.

Look here…

I strive to do and give my best to damn near everything I take part in.

Sometimes I champion through shit, other times I come up a little short, but when all’s said and done I hold myself accountable to my own standard of excellence — meaning, if I haven’t left it all on the table when everything’s said and done then I’ll feel guilty for holding back and not giving my all.

I need a woman who’s on that same energy…

And I don’t need her to match my abilities, she only has to match my effort and commitment to us.

If I’ve got $99 and all she has is $1 then I’m going to give us my $99, but she BETTER give us her $1.

Not $.05…not $.50…not $.75…the whole $1.

Simply put, I only want to be with a woman who tries from this point forward. Help me help you…

Speak life, potential and achievement into me, because I’m damn sure going to speak it into you, and then MULTIPLY whatever goodness you speak into me.

Manage your insecurities and talk them out with me so that we can work through them and reach the higher ground together, because I’m going to do the same with you. Don’t just look at me as something to unburden yourself of stress on, let’s work some shit out and get right together. You will ALWAYS get my best effort. If we’re bonded then you deserve nothing less. In that same way, I deserve your best effort too.

You can’t expect me to move mountains in order to make you feel more comfortable. WE move the mountains together or we go our separate ways.

If I’m bench pressing 315 lbs, I don’t need you to lift half of the weight for me, you just gotta spot me. When the weight of the world is pushing down on me like that, I just need a trustworthy person right beside me to give me assistance if I burn out or the shit gets too heavy. You don’t have to lift the whole thing, just help me get it up.

Now what I DON’T NEED is somebody who views me as competition trying to push the weight down even harder because they want a dopamine rush, like “I know you’re already going through some heavy shit right now, but I need to abuse you so I can get this dopamine high real quick!”

Fuck that.

Also, I’m like a real life genie in that I’m quite literally a magical being…

I can absolutely grant your wishes. The thing is, you have to treat me right in order for me to make the world turn over for you.

Because when all’s said and done, just like genies from myths and fairytales, I’m going to give you exactly what you speak into me.

If you want someone to help you achieve real and sustainable happiness, strength and stability then you have to speak life, encouragement and purpose into me. You have to develop vision and patience, and speak the magic words “I know you can bring this home for us baby. I know what we can achieve this together! You have my unwavering commitment and support.” Match it with effort and then watch me do what it does…

If however you’re of the slave (parasitic) mindset, and you just want another (lower) slave you can talk down to, degrade, second guess, compete against and sabotage, then I can be that too. Your wish is my command (well, it used to be that way — not so much anymore).

We can build and heal together, or you can do that low vibrational bullshit and find somebody to keep you company while you lick your wounds and rage out on the world for “how unfair life’s been to you”. We each get to choose…

That said, if you can’t tolerate and celebrate my humanity then you most certainly don’t deserve my divinity.

On God…