Toxic (Narcissistic-Abusive Relationships: “Peer” or “Trauma” Bonds) Explained With a Few Simple Principles
Corruption (or what religions call Satan) manifests in human beings as a shitty (parasitic) attitude and outlook on life.
Narcissists are just people with shitty attitudes.
And by shitty attitude I mean they’ve internalized zero-sum thinking, and thus elevate their inner senses of justice to the level of truth and reality for all things — resulting in them abusing and exploiting others for personal gain or for their own amusement and satisfaction.
People with shitty attitudes are drawn to people with shitty attitudes.
Narcissists are either looking for someone to rage out on, or rage out with…
“Submissive”, (or codependent/covert) narcissists are looking for someone to rage out with, and “dominant” (or abuser) narcissists are looking for somebody to rage out on.
Narcissism is the parasitic mind state. It’s what you call it when a person’s perceptive outlook is set to ‘self-preservation and self-benefit mode’, and as such they view everything in zero-sum terms. “There’s only enough for me and what I desire, and I deserve to live and benefit at other’s expense. Justice is whatever’s good for me and my happiness, irrespective of how others are affected by it.”
Narcissism is all about exploitation.
Codependent narcissists view and/or hope to use abuser narcissists as weapons to protect themselves with, while abuser narcissists view codependent narcissists as tools or objects to exploit and advance themselves with.
The point of the honeymoon phase in all parasitic bonds is to establish roles to see who will be dominant and who will be submissive.
In the most basic sense, it’s “Whose shitty attitude is gonna dominate this space, and who will support the space while the other chases and/or lives out their shitty-attitude fantasies?”
Once roles have been clearly established in a parasitic bond, the abuser gets straight to abusing (devaluing, disempowering and even assaulting) the codependent, and the codependent starts trying to demonstrate value to prove that they deserve the abuser’s acceptance, love, approval and protection.
The codependent gets addicted to validation and moments of peace from the abuser, while the abuser gets more and more addicted to violating and abusing — that is physically, mentally, emotionally, financially or situationally taking their rage and frustrations out on the codependent.
This is why people can be abusive to certain mates, but totally submissive and supportive to others…
In context, the narcissist is the object, and the role or character they play to others is the subject.
Narcissist to [Perceived] Codependent: “I don’t respect you or feel safe with you because you don’t demonstrate a shitty enough attitude to me. If you don’t demonstrate the capacity to be a weapon I can use to keep myself safe with then I simply can’t trust you at a fundamental level. If you allow me to disrespect you and hurl negativity (a rancid attitude) at you, and instead of throwing attitude back you just roll over and take it then I’ll perceive you as weak and impotent, and as something worthy of my abuse, disrespect and contempt. That said, even if you’re NOT a weapon I can use to keep myself safe with, I can still use you as a tool to advance myself with. So I’ll keep you around and feed you false hope and exploit you until I’m ready to discard you in search of someone who demonstrates a higher level of corruption than you.”
Narcissist to Abuser: “Whatever you want, mommy/daddy! Use me however you see fit! Your shitty attitude makes me feel safe and secure, and I just want to prove myself to you, and earn your love, acceptance and approval!”
In both instances: “I am attracted to and only respect corruption in others. The more corrupt you demonstrate yourself to be is the more I desire you, and the less corruption there is in you is the less I respect you. If you don’t self-worship and self-idealize (exude bravado and false confidence), or act aggressively and attempt to force your will on me and others (demonstrate the capacity for violence and abuse), or behave hyper-competitively (constantly attempt to dominate and subdue me or others) or demonstrate the capacity for greed (mindless consumption and/or mindlessly mining and amassing resources) then I don’t find you interesting enough to view as a potential mate. If you don’t project false assuredness to me in the form of parasitic behavior then interaction with you doesn’t warrant any level of mutual effort or respect from me. I’m drawn to the amount of Satan you house within you, and if you don’t have enough corruption in you then you could never be my peer, only my pet or doormat.”
Y’all think human romance is all magical, happenstance, exciting, fresh and complex, but nah…
It’s a very basic and underwhelming pattern.
Parasitic-narcissistic bonds are simply unsustainable. They only last as long as the abuser views the codependent as a viable resource to exploit and/or vessel to dump rage into, or the codependent is willing to accept higher and higher levels of disrespect and abuse.
Again, narcissism is the parasitic mind state.
The more narcissistic you are is the more you respect and idolize corruption (narcissism, hyper-competitiveness, aggression and greed) in others. The more grounded in reality you are is the more you try to see and interact with the person behind the narcissist (because all narcissism begins and ends at the character level).
In parasitic bonds the codependent is always more grounded in reality than the abuser because they literally have to be — they have to keep the ship afloat while the abuser chases or lives out their narcissistic-fantasy.
When you’re an abuser you’re just looking for somebody to dump your rage into and exploit, and when you’re codependent you’re looking for somebody to make you feel safe as a product of demonstrating corrupt (narcissistic-abusive) tendencies.
It’s very paint-by-numbers. It’s literally this simple. People only make it complex by projecting added layers of meanings onto superficial characters and character effects — that is, instead of focusing exclusively on pattern-based behavioral sets.
People can lie but patterns don’t.
If you’re the codependent in a parasitic bond you’d better run for your life. Because once you’re isolated and dependent on the abuser — that is, once you have a false sense of security and surrender to them, they’re going to violate and abuse you until you’re either used up, or they lose interest, or both.
And if you’re used to being the dominant party in toxic bonds, and as such believe you’d never allow abuse to happen to you, you’re 100% wrong.
This is because you get addicted to chasing the abuser’s approval and validation long before you even realize you’re being abused. This is where all of the excuses people manufacture to justify abusers’ shitty parasitic behavior towards them comes from… It comes from their desire to protect and defend the abuser’s identity, in order to preserve the abuser as someone to get their validation fix from.
If you don’t understand the mechanism behind how it all works there’s absolutely no way for you to defend against it — which is why I share stuff like this..
Until your mind actually heals from past psychological wounds you’re only capable of attracting or falling into parasitic (trauma) bonds: toxic relationships. And if you’re performing at the character level yourself — that is, if you’re an ideologue, a person who follows trends in thinking and behavior, and basically cocoons themself in character effects, and layers of pageantry and deep social acting, then you’re all but blind to narcissists because you’re currently performing as one.
You can’t spot abusers off in the distance because you can’t see yourself behind all of that crap you’ve layered yourself in just trying to shield yourself from reality.
This is what truth sets you free from. This is the prison reasoning and honesty opens the exit door to…