Wasting Your Life: Squandering Your Potential
Perhaps the easiest way to describe or give meaning to life is to simply refer to it as the ‘manifestation of potential’.
Potential is best described as the fundamental essence of reality. It’s the substrate that all principles, principle-scaffolds, forms and sources of energy, building blocks, substances and life forms emerge and derive from.
You are, that is your life is an expression of potential. Every part of you, from your flesh to your mind, talent, soul and life experience is potential manifesting in real time.
Your body is potential. Within the set parameters of natural organization, your flesh both has and is the potential to become what it’s subjected to. It adapts and moves in the direction of will and influence. The type of effort and influence you put into your body, or that’s placed on you by external forces ultimately shapes what it will become. You can invest into building your body up and keeping it fluid and functional or you can fill it with toxins, remain inactive and allow it to deteriorate. If subjected to stress your body becomes more durable and if removed from the flow of life it becomes weak and frail. You can use your body to love and heal others, or use it to try to dominate and destroy others. The type of will and intention you apply to your physical potential becomes how you manifest in reality.
Your mind is potential. It has the ability to learn, problem solve and enter into flow states of expression. You can practice using it to process information and reality in unique and dynamic ways, or you can waste it and allow it to deteriorate by pursuing and indulging in whatever makes it easiest for you to not think — e.g., following groups and trends, or joining belief systems and ideologies, or blindly submitting to representations of authority, or living for competition, self-worship, fantasies and escapes.
Your talent is literally the wellspring of potential at the core of your being, manifesting through the various outlets, disciplines and mediums you channel it through into the world around you.
Your “spirit” is your principle form. It’s a pure and concentrated expression of potential, manifesting as a frame or instrument through which raw potential is passed and treated towards becoming energy. Your spirit is what exists opposite of your material building blocks, and is both the series of scaffolds that transform your wellspring of potential into the energy that your building blocks are comprised of, and what holds them in place and facilitates communication and symbiosis between them.
“Spirit” is developed and enhanced through efforts made to sync up with, add momentum to, and perpetuate balance for the variety of systems agents are active and affective within — which in simpler terms means the more you use your potential to transform potential into newer expressions of potential is the more you multiply and enhance it. In other words, even your potential both has and is potential. You are potential manifesting in real time…
This raises the question: What do you use your potential for?
Well if you’ve been socialized then you’ve either been trained or trended into wasting your potential. Again, society is a parasitic construct. All parasitic life forms and entities are based in corruption. Corruption is a mode of being that’s fundamentally divorced from, and thus disruptive and destructive to reality.
Let’t supply some explanation to what corruption is and why it exists though…
The short of it all is that at the higher scales of organic plane, corruption is just a glitch in the coding of natural organization. One of the higher life forms that we (that is, this universe and the living building blocks it’s comprised of) belong to got damaged in such a way that the principles and principle scaffolds behind its material building blocks got damaged and displaced, resulting in what we know and commonly refer to as an “infection”. This infection (corruption — which is a sentient being in its own right) is spreading throughout, attacking and destroying healthy systems within reality.
Reality is the omni system that all other systems emerge and derive from. All systems (and/or what we know and commonly refer to as “organisms” or “life forms” — which includes, but isn’t limited to galaxies, galaxy clusters, star systems, planets, natural habitats, animals, insects, cells, molecules, atoms, organs, etc — extending up to the body of this universe and the species it belongs to; which in conjunction with other life forms, function as living building blocks for an even larger life form) are building blocks belonging to the omni system we call reality. As a sentient being, reality both manages and facilitates balance between the life forms or “systems” it’s comprised of.
As a system, reality can best be likened to a body. Unlike the relationship between you and your body however, reality is fully aware of the state and condition of every building block it’s comprised of, and then of every agent that’s active, affective and operative within it. Reality’s aware of every impact systems performing within it make on adjacent, sub and meta systems. In this sense, reality is the perfect accountant — it must be in order to manage and facilitate balance between all living beings.
Reality’s currently in the process of isolating and purging corruption and the various agents its manifesting through from its systems, which means reality is at war with corruption. Reality must purge corruption in both the material and principle (spirit) realms, so as to preserve and protect its own body and building blocks.
Corruption depletes and destroys systems. It wreaks havoc and creates causal chains of imbalance throughout reality as it continues to consume, grow and spread at an exponential rate. This makes corruption a mortal enemy to reality in the exact same way that any disease is considerably an enemy to the body of the host its infecting. Reality must purge corruption and all things affected (infected) by it or risk being damaged itself. This means that reality must treat corruption, regardless of how small or insignificant the area its affective within it might seem in comparison to the unfathomable expanse of reality, as a high level threat. Reality is necessarily required to seek out and destroy corruption without fail, and with extreme prejudice, absolute certainty and totality.
All parasitic life forms are agents of corruption, which means they behave in the exact same way corruption does. They consume and multiply mindlessly, and generally at a rapid pace. They invade, overrun, disrupt, transform (transmute, ravage or [in humans’ case] terraform) and destroy natural systems, towards benefitting themselves at the expense of all else. And like corruption, they’re fundamentally disconnected from reality (as a result of processing all things through and according to idealism) which causes them create and even delight in creating imbalances, pain and suffering as they continue to consume, multiply and migrate.
Because society’s a parasitic construct (life form), it trains the agents it actively performs through to waste their wellspring of potential or their “life force” on competition: on competing for attention, authority, resources, comforts, security and rewards. The socialization process conditions humans to falsely equate having these things in abundance with survival itself. This process ultimately grooms humans to live, think, behave, prioritize and perform as parasites, and thus to function as active agents of corruption.
Parasitism is best defined as a symbiotic non mutual relationship between species, individuals or groups in which one party, the parasite or “master” lives and benefits at the expense of another or others, the host(s) or “slave(s)”. In layman’s terms, parasitism is living exclusively for self-interest and self benefit (at either the individual or group level), at the expense of others or the greater system(s) an agent performs within.
Parasites create imbalances in reality because they’re literally vacuums of potential. Instead of manifesting potential through effort, and then multiplying their potential by adding potential to the systems they operate within (and thus back to reality at large), they suck the potential or ‘life force’ out of everything they come in contact with, by living almost exclusively for self benefit. When agents’ hearts, minds and spirits get corrupted they become vacuums of potential that use what little potential they’re able to siphon from their wellspring to steal potential from other entities — systems, objects or life forms, towards benefitting and satisfying themselves.
In the society, the word we most commonly use to describe humans who behave like parasites is “narcissist”. Other words we use to describe them are “abuser”, “sycophant”, “tyrant”, “psychopath”, “sociopath”, “predator”, “ideologue”, “coward”, “bully”, etc (they all literally mean the same thing).
A narcissist is any person who prioritizes self-interest and self gratification over and ahead of cognizance for the impacts that their attitudes, actions and behaviors have on others and the world around them. A narcissist is a person who chooses to protect, defend and promote their identity and inner sense of justice over making attempts to understand, recognize and sync up with reality, or what can be observed, measured and understood independent of their own experience, feelings and beliefs.
Again, the socialization process is human domestication. It literally trains to humans to become narcissistic: aggressor parasites.
From the moment you were born, everyone and everything around you placed enormous pressure on you to conform to society, by proxy of authority. You were given and then taught to protect, defend, enhance and promote your “identity”, and to align and advance your identity with(in) the larger identities of the respective groups you’re either connected or assigned to — e.g., your family, peer group(s), community, class and work environment(s), culture, belief systems, nation(s), etc.
The identity is both the character you seek to project to others, and the story you tell yourself about the world around you and your place and value within it.
The identity is comprised of meanings, symbols, beliefs, habits, practices, attitudes, actions and behaviors, aesthetic features and traits (both natural and created or enhanced), relationships (which are just observed systems of interactions with others that supply the individual actor with external agency to define ‘self’ by or against), and the collections of social treatments, effects and affects that people acquire through the course of their lives and seek to self-actualize through.
This frame applies to both individual actors and groups of actors respectively. The identity is the character you’re trying to be in the story playing out in your imagination, and the story playing out in your mind, featuring you as the star character that you’re trying to project to audiences both real and imagined.
Identity is the most basic tool that humans are given to survive in society with. It’s a type of currency — in fact, the currency that all other forms of currency are based on.
Let’s unpack that a bit though…
Status is the rank your identity has achieved and/or been assigned within a given socio-sphere or stratification system. It’s the order in which you receive consideration for all things. Status necessarily translates into authority. Authority is the power to determine meanings, order and the outcome of events. In society authority is used to control and/or impose will and influence onto external phenomena — people or things that exist and perform outside of and/or independently of the individual actor.
In simper terms, status is the primary thing people use to try to get what they want in society — and for humans living in society, status is how you get what you want and need in life.
In society, status is what entitles you to consume. It determines the type and amount of opportunities that will or at least should be afforded to you, the type and amount of liberties you’ll be granted, the type and amount of access you’ll be given to resources and resource-distribution chains, and the order in which you’ll receive such things.
Reputation is more akin to a social credit score. It’s the value and worth your identity has according to consensus, and/or as based on other people’s perception of you, which is determined by or through the stories people tell themselves and each other about you.
This means that survival in society necessarily entails building status and reputation — that is, enhancing your identity towards increasing your authority, which subsequently translates into you having the ability to control the world around you and make people and things bend to your will. The more status you have in society is the the more authority, or ‘power’ you have to determine meanings, order and the outcome of events, which effectively translates into your ability to impose will and influence onto objects and agents in the system around you.
The most crucial thing agents performing within social constructs can do is build and protect status and reputation, which is why protecting and defending the identity is so important to humans. Taking hits to the identity lowers the social credit score (reputation), and thus threatens the actor’s status and/or authority, or their power to determine meanings, order and the outcome of events, thereby (perceivably) threatening their ability to consume and ultimately survive.
It’s all mechanical.
All of this leads us to the question(s): How does one build status and reputation in modern society? At a cursory glance, what’s the most effective way to increase one’s social value, authority and credit score?
In the modern era, the best way to build status and reputation is by frittering your potential away for attention and social-material gain. The most effective way to build status and reputation in the world right now is to invest fully into developing and promoting your identity: your “brand”. You do this by sacrificing your talent, intellect, physical strength and allure, honesty, authenticity and life force for social-material gain.
Society uses peer pressure and fears of loss and exclusion to get humans to forfeit their potential for attention, inclusion, pride and hope. Society gets you to trade your very real life force away for dreams — for things that cannot exist or function outside or independently of idealism.
In so many words or less, the message society (the “social hive mind”) communicates to humans in subtext is: “Stick with the crowd or be ostracized. Believe and perpetuate stories and dictums that are dispensed by authorities or be mocked and ridiculed. Follow and conform to the trends or be stripped of presence, status and authority, and denied access to attention and resources. If you are ‘right’ and/or on the side of authority, towards becoming an extension of authority in your own right, then you will be rewarded with praise, satisfaction and degrees of freedom. If you question, deny or fail to yield to authority, or to people and things that represent authority and you will be automatically be ‘wrong’ and thus punished: ostracized, withheld from, or physical and verbal assaulted.”
Society trains humans to limit the potential of their minds by looking to authority figures (individuals, groups or instruments) to process information and reality for them. It trains people to limit the potential of their bodies by using themselves for labor, or destroying themselves for trends and attention. It trains people to limit the potential of their spirits by getting them to focus almost exclusively on acquisition, consumption and materialism, and on surviving and thriving in the the social-material realm. It trains people to waste their talent and/or their natural wellspring of potential by frittering it away, just chasing fads and acceptance and approval from others.
In both a literal and figurative sense, society trains you prostitute yourself for social advancement. You learn to compress, or reject and deny the abundance of potential that exists within and flows through you, towards making yourself small enough to fit into, and navigate and advance within social domains and conventions.
Let’s examine that claim another way though. Let me ask you something…
In order to preserve a belief or maintain your devotion to a belief system, how much information and reality do you have to block out? What do you have to ignore in order to keep your identity and ideal types intact? In fact, in order to appear socially acceptable (that is, attractive in modern society), how much grooming and body contouring do you do on a daily basis? How many ways have you damaged your body with markings, piercings or destructive grooming rituals, just trying to look appealing or dynamic to others? In order to respect or revere individuals or groups you view as “authorities”, how often do you have to look past corruption, or justify impropriety, or lapses in judgment and faulty decision making practices?
How much of you — that is, how much of your potential do you have to sacrifice in order to A) keep your ideal-systems intact, and B) remain viable and mobile within social contexts and domains?
Now let me ask you this…
What do you think happens to all of the potential you don’t use and/or that you throw away just trying to “fit in”?
And don’t just dismiss that question, take a few seconds to really think about it. How much of reality do you have to block out, and how much of your potential do you have to suppress and deny in order to preserve and enhance your identity: the character you try to project to audiences, which is a function of the story you tell you self about the world around you and your place and value within it?
If potential is the fundamental essence of reality (and it is), then isn’t blocking reality out so as to preserve the systems of ideas, habits and practices that you base your identity on necessarily suppressing and even denying your potential?
Again, your life is an expression of potential manifesting in real time. Your spirit (your principle scaffold) is what transforms the wellspring of potential at the core of your being into the energy that becomes your material building blocks, and is thus the underlying network of sequences that potential must pass through towards becoming energy, in addition to the system that facilitates communication between your respective building blocks, and what allows for the variety of expressions you manifest and pour into the world around you.
The potential that passes through however you doesn’t actually belong to you though, it belongs to greater system of reality. You’re simply a steward for reality’s potential passing through you — you’re a just vessel that’s using potential from a greater source to self actualize. The potential that passes through you doesn’t belong to you, in the same way that a cellular building block on your body’s potential doesn’t belong to it. For example, a cell on your leg isn’t designed to live for self-interest and self-gratification alone. No building block is designed to just “do its own thing”, or live and benefit at the expense of the body or cells around it. Every cell on your leg belongs to your body. Each cell (in conjunction with other cells) works to form and automate you as a being. Using the potential manifesting through it to satisfy itself, or even worse, steal potential from other cells on your leg would make the [aforementioned] cell defective or diseased: corrupt.
The exact same principle applies to you and your relationship with reality.
Being a vacuum of potential, and living and behaving as a parasite means that you’re literally and necessarily stealing from potential from reality itself — not just the agents and systems you live in relation to, and directly benefit from or at the expense of…
When anything that should be part of a whole fundamentally disconnects from the whole, and moves and acts divorced purpose and independently of the thing it’s emergent from and thus meant to contribute to, then it’s diseased: corrupt. You are borrowed potential, not self-made, nor a master or creator of potential in your own right.
Even at the steward-level of consideration, your own body doesn’t belong to you. You’re simply a composite life form that’s made up of smaller life forms operating and experiencing reality on smaller scales of plane.
When you destroy and desecrate your cellular blocks for pleasure, or for attention and social-material gain, you’re not just damaging “your property”. The cellular building blocks your body’s comprised of are property belonging to the greater system of reality. Destroying systems you were made steward over by reality itself for selfish or social-material reasons is literally wasting reality’s potential on self-gratification and self worship.
Society conditions you to waste your physical potential in a wide variety of ways. Perhaps the most common way it tricks humans into wasting their physical potential is by using trends and peer pressure to lure people into damaging themselves for attention, or for reasons related to improving social status and reputation. Examples of this phenomenon include people destroying their bodies for competition, e.g., for sports, or for fighting and/or attempting to dominate and subdue others with physical violence, or for stunts and contests for attention, etc. Other ways people destroy themselves is by getting surgical enhancements and scarifications for trends, or exploiting their flesh sexually or physically (in the forms of labor, promiscuity or prostitution) for material gain and/or attention-seeking purposes. Humans are also conditioned to prioritize achieving and sustaining high levels of physical comfort and pleasure, at the expense of conscientious and balanced living.
People waste their physical potential on following trends and living exclusively for attention and self-gratification.
Society also conditions people to waste their mental potential. It does this by constantly pressuring humans to both seek out and adhere to authority structures. Humans are trained to search for leaders, or groups, institutions, traditions, practices and trends (etc) for answers, and to rely on stories and filtered information, and look to belief systems, modes and methodologies, and basically seek out anyone and anything to do thinking for them, towards allowing their own minds to atrophy from underuse. The education process literally trains humans to confuse and falsely equate storing and regurgitating filtered information and effectively navigating through existent knowledge systems with actually processing information and reality using their own minds. This causes most people to confuse “having knowledge” (even cursory knowledge) on subjects with actually gaining proper understanding for things under their own mental strength and ability. Most people don’t know and can’t tell the difference between knowledge and understanding.
In short, society trains humans to waste their minds by searching for ‘things to believe in’ as opposed to actually processing information and arriving at proper conclusions through critical observation, analysis and reasoning. It’s why most people try to solve problems by forcing everything they happen across to adhere to and/or fit within the parameters of formulas they’ve learned, or try to solve conflicts and disputes they have with others by simply hurling jargon and labels at people, instead of critically examining and engaging with divergent viewpoints, or topics of discussion, points of dispute, and objects and subjects therein.
Then society conditions humans to waste their emotional potential by constantly keeping them scared, outraged and teetering between states of piety and reactivity. You’ve been conditioned to let fear of the unknown and “trauma”, which is the phobia of disempowerment related to losing identity features such as beliefs, relationships, defense mechanisms and status markers (etc), cloud your judgment and your respective abilities for observation, critical analysis and sympathetic and weighted response.
You’ve been trained to both intentionally and unintentionally waste most if not all of your potential just trying to survive and get ahead in society.
Another way to put it is, you’ve been duped into “balling out” with your potential. You’ve been suckered into spending it frivolously, as though it’s yours and yours alone and not property belonging to reality. Corruption, via society trains and conditions you to steal potential from both reality and the people and things around you for self benefit — which in reality, only lessens the amount of access you have to your own wellspring of potential.
In that sense, I guess you could liken survival in society to going to a strip club, in that how you build status and reputation in that environment is by frivolously throwing your potential (your primary resource) at desirable objects, just trying to look impressive to and outdo other patrons, desperately hoping to garner attention, praise and gratification from entities that have no care for or concern about you. Neither society nor corruption care about you in the least. To them you’re some expendable, dispensable and interchangeable thing that’s only viable so long as they can benefit from you. Both society and corruption just want to use you, and to benefit and thrive at your expense in the exact same way that strippers sell patrons fantasies, hope and a good time, with absolutely no intention of following through on the illusion. A successful stripper is a heartless stripper. They have nor care or concern for those they benefit from; and they’ll only entertain patrons as long as they’re benefitting from them.
That’s just how corruption (and by extension, society) works.
Now imagine that you’re in that strip club balling out on someone else’s dime, and that you’ll necessarily have to pay back every single penny you’ve spent plus interest…
That’s what wasting reality’s potential on self-worship is like. It’s like trying to impress others by spending money that isn’t yours, and only digging yourself deeper and deeper into debt as the moments pass and your pride continues to swell. Worshipping yourself on reality’s dime is a surefire way to earn its brutal backlash, and the backlash for stealing from reality via its systems is absolutely horrific — and even worse for those who use aggression to forcibly take potential from others, or “game” potential out of others instead of working to enhance their own potential by living for, and perpetuating and adding balance back to the greater sum of the system.
To close this article out though, I’d like to move this discussion into a more practical domain — something I think most people can relate to.
Let’s talk about sex and human relationships. Now for the record, I just want to make it clear that I’m not endorsing conventional or progressive relationship models, or beliefs and ideas pertaining to those structures, so please pay attention and try to understand what I’m saying without rushing to judgment.
In fact, let me breakdown conventional and progressive relationship models real quick…
Conventional relationships are primarily based on gender roles. Gender roles are ideas and acting toolkits that are typically ascribed to people within given regions during given timeframes based on their genitalia and/or on the ‘sex’ or chromosomal designation they were assigned by nature at birth. Conventional relationships tend to function as building blocks for higher social structures — e.g., communities, belief systems, institutions, cultures and nations.
Conversely, progressive relationships tend to shirk gender roles, and to focus more on the ‘idea’, or fantasy and emotional experience of the union between actors than they do on natural or social functions of the union. That means progressive relationships tend to place higher value on the experience and identities of the actors involved than they do on the social function or outcome of the union.
Conventional relationships sustain by actors maintaining roles, which means they’re generally based in deep social acting, high levels of self-deception, work expectancy and core belief-structures, whereas progressive relationships (though generally more honest than conventional relationships) are more about protecting and preserving ideal structures and features at the core of the actors’ respective identities.
In progressive relationships, ‘who’ matters more than ‘what’, as in: “Who you are to me matters more than what you do for me and/or for us, and society at large.”, and in conventional relationships, ‘what’ matters more than ‘who’, as in: “You’re the woman (this type of object), which means you’re supposed to _________”, and “You’re the man (this type of object), which means you’re supposed to _________.”
Both relationship models are based in idealism, which means they’re both fundamentally divorced from reality, however, society itself is based in idealism, which makes both relationship models equally right and wrong. A simpler way to state that is, they’re both based in and thus can’t function or sustain independent of the ideals held by the actors who participate in them.
But let’s not travel too deep down that path though. I’ll probably save that for another piece. Let’s get back to the subject of sex in human relationships now…
Humans have the unique ability to use their bodies for pleasure, which means they can pleasure themselves or pleasure others, divorced from purpose. Humans also have very weak and frail bodies that continue to degenerate at a rapid pace as their life cycles progress. Because human physiology is much weaker than that of organisms emergent from natural habitats on the body of this planet, they’re necessarily required to supplement and offset their natural limitations and deficits; as all parasitic life forms do. That means humans have to produce and rely on things such as artifacts, weapons, tools, clothing, domiciles, social systems, relationships, etc, to ‘even out the playing field’ and/or give themselves advantages against the harsh environment of this planet — a habitat that (broadly speaking) their physiology simply isn’t designed to support them within.
Enter the concept of romantic relationships…
Humans can ‘form bonds’ with each other that pair them with partners who serve to supplement and offset their natural limitations and deficits. A union that forms between people can make them extensions of each other, thereby increasing their chances for survival in both society and the harsh environment of this planet.
In this sense, sexual pleasure is a tool, and/or can be thought of as ‘potential’ that people can invest into establishing and reinforcing firm bonds with others, towards helping them come to see, trust and rely on mates as extensions of themselves.
Most people have nubile, forgiving and pliable flesh in their youth. They can use their flesh to build things, or take (and hopefully learn from taking) risks, or attract and pleasure suitable mates, and ultimately organize themselves so as to mitigate as many stresses and struggles as possible, leading into the degenerative phase of the human life cycle. That means you can use your flesh and allure to attract mates and essentially double your potential for achieving sustainability within social or natural settings.
In modern society however, most people have been either trended and peer pressured into viewing sex as a thing that exists exclusively for their own pleasure and satisfaction. As such, they waste their flesh, allure and sexual energy (potential) on living exclusively for self-worship and self gratification. Everyone’s out for self these days: “I gotta get mine!”, while ironically wondering why they’re constantly feeling dissatisfied, disconnected, devoid of energy and excitement, unfulfilled and trapped in crippling and perpetual states of loneliness and despair. Many people waste their bodies on flings, and on trying to demonstrate value to those they hope to acquire, dominate and subdue — which more often than not, is the core motivation behind most romantic relationships in the modern era.
“I’m going to lure them in and trap them with my sexual prowess and dominate them. I’m going benefit from them, and at their expense, all the way until I tire of them, at which point I’ll simply discard them and find someone newer and more exciting.”
People are looking for mates that can double as slaves for their pleasure and then function as extensions of their identities — as props or supporting characters in the story of them. They don’t actually consider the system of interactions that serve to build up and enhance the relationship, but instead focus almost exclusively on how they stand to benefit from perspective mates.
Again, the narcissistic, (selfish, greedy — corrupt-parasitic) paradigm consumes and destroys the potential in everything it touches, including romantic relationships.
A (proper) relationship is best defined as a series of interactions that develops whenever an intuitive-symbiotic bond forms between two people. A relationship is basically ‘coming to view and experience another as an extension of oneself, coupled with efforts to maintain and nurture the bond that’s formed, as captured through acts of service — not to the other party directly, but to the overall shared experience and system of features that facilitate it.’ Whenever you enter into a relationship with someone you become aware of and concerned for their overall experience in life. Your concern for them causes you to live, think, perform and prioritize above the level of self-interest.
When you’re a narcissist however, you’re constantly searching for ways to benefit yourself at the expense of others. As such, you can’t view or treat anyone as anything more than a prop or supporting character in the story of you. If you’re a narcissist then your self-image and perceived status and worth necessarily outranks your mate’s (along with everyone else’s), thereby justifying and entitling you to live and benefit at their expense.
Narcissists typically don’t view sexual intimacy as an extension or essential function of relationships, or as something to be invested towards building lasting bonds. More often than not they view sex reductively, and as something that either exists exclusively for their own pleasure and benefit, or as a weapon they can use to dominate and control others with. As such, they can’t grasp how to be in fruitful and symbiotic unions, and thus stray on (and/or experience no real sense of allegiance towards) their partners, or weaponize sex, or withholding and the fear of loss against others, or do everything in their power to acquire, assert and maintain authority, towards competing against and/or dominating their mate(s) — which is why so many relationships in the modern era ultimately fail.
Modern relationships are based primarily on gaming, not bonding and mutualism.
Selfishness and parasitism are mutually inclusive effects. Selfish people literally suck the life and potential out of everything they come in contact with. You can even witness this principle playing out in impacts made by selfish lovers. Selfish lovers are so busy trying to please themselves, or experience pleasure from partners in the forms of gratification or validation that they can’t focus on anything beyond themselves and their experience. They never learn how to heighten the pleasure they receive from sex by amplifying it through the pleasure they give to others, so they just beeline to taking the most pleasure for themselves, and in doing so, literally rob the potential and momentum from sexual encounters by not being conscientious of the other person’s experience or efforts. Their sense of entitlement destroys the intimate connection, which then weakens and destroys any type of bond that’s formed between parties. Being a selfish lover literally sucks the life and excitement right out of the intimate connection.
Then too, some people get so used to squandering their sexual energy on trysts, towards gratifying themselves completely divorced from purpose and connection that they lose all ability to form real bonds or connections with others. As such, they never hit the levels of trust and vulnerability needed in order to experience the intense highs of bonded-intercourse. They literally cheat themselves and each other out of earth shattering orgasms, just living for cheap thrills and pleasure divorced from purpose.
Ironically, this same principle effectively applies to people who cling to and build identity features (defense mechanisms) around old psychological wounds — and who, as a result of clinging to psychological injuries are “traumatized” (again, trauma being the phobia of disempowerment, which stems from psychologically damaging events in which the actors that lived through them weren’t strong enough to protect themselves from, or mitigate threats and danger).
In Western culture and cultures heavily influenced by it, being a “player” and/or a person who uses their flesh almost exclusively for self-gratification, or for building and enhancing identity is how you demonstrate value to the world around you. In the modern era, selfishness has been conflated with prudence, as everyone’s racing to benefit themselves first…
People who can’t form real connections with others never learn how to trust anyone, and thus live their lives in these shrinking prisons of paranoia and defensiveness. They never risk investing enough of themselves into situations to get lasting benefits from them. They’re so busy looking out for themselves and their interests and needs that they can’t see, hear or consider anyone or anything but them, and how they’re affected by things. Relationships with narcissists usually fail because bonding only works if both parties operate from a space of mutualism — and narcissists think almost exclusively in terms of self-benefit and self preservation. The only time relationships with narcissists (or any parasitic entity) can work is if the parties they’re living and benefitting at the expense of find purpose and/or identity features in their own subjugation and exploitation, e.g., a slave finding a sense of purpose and personhood in serving and pleasing its master.
In the honeymoon phase of relationships everything’s all bright, shiny and new. Everything seems golden all the way up until requests are made for narcissists to push past their comfort zones and give back to or do essential work towards maintaining the system of interactions that serve to form the relationship. That’s when the aggression, and (physical, verbal, psychological, situational and communicational) abuse and predation kicks in, as if to say: “I’m supposed to benefit at your expense! How dare you try to benefit from me too?!”
When one party uses the potential of the shared experience to benefit themselves exclusively they instantly disrupt and steal momentum from the relationship as a whole. In that instant they destroy part of the union just looking out for themselves, and trying to satisfy their own desires. Try to think about sex (at least as considered in the context of this example) and the various other forms of intimacy and pleasure you can offer to your mate as things to invest into the longevity and/or the optimization of the relationship — the shared experience. Thinking about your mate’s experience is really just being mindful of what you bring to them in the way of effort and output.
For instance, part of caring for your mate is caring for, maintaining and beatifying the body that you share with them. Think of it like this… Caring about your lover and their experience necessarily entails you delighting in being a delight to them, which means that you want to be presentable and appealing to them. That means you take care of yourself because you’re part of their experience — an extension of their life (and vice versa). It also means things like, you’re mindful of the space and time you share together. You actively seek out details of their experience, and then look for ways to mitigate stress and add joy and momentum to their life, etc.
When you invest potential from your personal wellspring into building up the potential of the relationship (which is a life form in its own right), it multiplies your potential then pours it all right back into you (that is, assuming both parties actively work towards achieving and operating from a state of mutualism).
Not every relationship is meant to last a lifetime. The life cycle of some relationships might end after just a few weeks. But every relationship should be fully and authentically experienced — even if it does only last for a few weeks. Regardless of how long a relationship may or may not last, building up trust and the strength of the bond is imperative. The goal is ultimately to make bliss become the general state of the shared experience. That way when you aren’t able to do things to pleasure or satisfy each other, the overall state of shared experience can sustain you both through the lean times.
Fruitful relationships ultimately discipline people to see reality from above the level of self-interest. When you practice caring for others, and viewing and treating others as extensions of yourself, you’re literally training yourself to become cognizant of reality at large. If both parties in a relationship discipline themselves to be cognizant of their partner’s experience they’ll have nurtured within them an inclination to care about others more than they focus on them. That is to say, loving other fully helps people achieve higher thinking. This principle extends to reality at large…
“Care for the whole more than you care for yourself, and you’ll experience fulfillment that far exceeds anything you can achieve by living exclusively for self benefit.”
Simply put, if you make somebody feel physically and emotionally good to a degree that they come to view you as a source of comfort and security, then even when you no longer have the ability to make them feel good, the lingering effect of your efforts will still cause them to see and appreciate you as an extension of their true self (assuming they’re not narcissistic).
Your relationship with reality is like any other relationship in the sense that your potential is enhanced, not by what you take, but as a result of what you give.
In conclusion, you are an expression of potential manifesting in real time. The thing is, you’re not the owner or master of your potential, you’re just a steward. Life is not your movie theater or an action flick starring you, you’re just an usher. Your only job is to guide your potential to its proper seat.
Ironically, in being a proper guide to your potential you’re necessarily investing wisely and thus multiplying it.
If sticking with the movie theater analogy, then think of it like this… You can’t change what’s happening in the film (of life) by simply jumping in front of and blocking the screen, or yelling at the audience over the audio. You affect what’s happening in the film by guiding your potential to the place where its most affective, and then by allowing it to make the subtle shifts that it’s meant to. Your potential is what’s effective and affective in this live action film, not your identity. This “movie” is happening in real time — only, you’re not the star, reality is. You’re not the director, reality is. You can only add to what’s happening in the film, you can’t change the setting, or the script of the main characters, or the outlooks and motivations of other actors, etc. Your potential is what adds to everything happening on the screen — not your aggression, your pride or competitiveness.
You are not the star…
You are not God. You’re not God over people, God over places, God over things, and most certainly not God over reality.
You’re not even God over your own body and/or the physical building blocks you’re comprised of. Your job is to simply care for them, and to help nurture them to an optimal state. When you live for balance and choose not to be a vacuum of potential, then you multiply and enhance the potential that’s been leased to you by reality itself. When you live exclusively for pleasure divorced from purpose though, and for self-gratification and self worship then you’re just as corrupt as you’d consider any cell or agent operating on or within you that didn’t have a designated place or purpose, and that was content to destroy you in its quest to satisfy itself through causing misery, pain and suffering to your other building blocks.
The potential assigned to you is a gift from reality itself. It’s a tool for you to build with, not a weapon for you to dominate or destroy people and things with. If you use your potential as an instrument to enhance and add value to reality then you’ll flourish and be granted access to greater potential. If you use your potential for destructive purposes and/or to serve corruption however, then not only will you continue to lose access to your wellspring of potential as time passes, but moving into the next life cycle the potential from both your wellspring and your principle scaffold (your spirit) will be violently and brutally stripped away from you.
Using reality’s potential against it, by trying to compete against it will make you a mortal enemy to reality. Trying to weaponize elements of reality against itself is literally waging war against it. This is why choosing to be an active agent of corruption is the worst possible choice that any human (or extraterrestrial) could hope to make. There’s no scenario in which corruption defeats reality, or in which agents of corruption forgo facing consequences for A) choosing to serve as hosts to corruption, and B) the variety of negative impacts they either make or have made on its (reality’s) body.
In order to restore balance and offset negative impacts and causal chains that agents of corruption create or contribute to (when stealing and squandering potential from reality), reality is necessarily obliged to take potential back from those who stole it first. It doesn’t matter how long it takes, or how brutal the process is, if you’re an agent of corruption then you will absolutely pay what you owe, plus interest for whatever’s required to execute all related tasks.
Again, this is all mechanical. It’s not subjective or open to negotiation, philosophy, consensus or debate, it’s absolute. Whether you like it, approve of it or don’t, this is a basic overview for how the system of reality works.
We each get to choose which master we’ll serve.